"Wally West In:Fallopian Hijinx"(Guest Starring Beyonce Knowles and Maury Povich)

It's been about a day since we last saw our heroes, when they barely escaped Jay-Z's Submarine of Death. Since then, for money, the gang has taken up part time jobs, Ghrimm and Murdock as tag team partners in the WWE, and West as a male gigolo. Mr.West is startled out of his sleep by a serious phone call.

West: "How you gettin' home, Mila Kunis?"

(RING,RING ON THE ROTARY)

West: "West."

Caller: "Yeah, Flash, it's Beyonce."

West: "Oh, shit! I mean, what's up?"

Beyonce: "I got something to tell you."

West: "Yeah..."

Beyonce: "Remember our encounter on the submarine? Well, I had your baby."

West:"How do you know it's mine?"

Beyonce: "Well, he kinda looks like you. If you want, we can take this to Maury.

West: "I'm already there!"

Beyonce: "See you there. (CLICK!)"

West: "Shit!"


MEANWHILE...

Mean Gene: "This looks like quite a brawl coming up. We've got the tag team match up of the century, John Cena and Randy Orton versus Fire and Brimstone-"

Ghrimm: "It's clobberin' time."

Murdock: "I don't care who they match us up against...I will EQUALIZE them!!!!"

(The match was won by Murdock and Ghrimm. Within the first five seconds, Murdock was incompacitated by a steel chair and Ghrimm carried both members' weight.)

West: "Ha ha, nice match, Murdock."

Murdock: "Don't antagonize me. I've got a headache this big. (Holds out hands)"

Ghrimm: "What's up, West?"

West: "We need to go to New York City."

Murdock: "Why? I'm tired of visiting your transvestite lovers?"

West: "....I gotta appear on the Maury show for a paternity test."

Ghrimm: "Are you talking about your run in with Beyonce?"

Murdock: "Geez, you really are The Flash, that was yesterday....That's why you wanted to defeat Jay-Z, you knew something was gonna come of it,huh?"

West: "Let's not talk about it."

Maury: "Shut the hell up, I don't see your name on this show....oh, we're back. Today our guest is R&B singer, Beyonce. She claims to have had an escapade with comic book hero, The Flash. How did this happen?"

Beyonce: "Well, it happened yesterday, it was so fast, I don't even remember. He didn't even put a ring on it."

Maury: "Look at the screen, tell me they don't look alike."

Beyonce: "Look, they got the same costume on, the same yellow gloves, the same lightening bolts and they both run real fast."

West: "That kid don't even look like me. His costume is brighter, and check out his stride, he takes short steps, I take long steps."

Maury: "Let's bring him out."

Audience: BOO!!!

Maury: "Flash, if this child is yours, will you take care of it?"

West:"Yeah, Murray, I'ma be a man- M.T. Bag, Heaux! Shout out to all my baby mamas, hi, mama! Ace Boogie coming with that WallyWestEP, go get it, ya heard? Yer!(Throws up the Q sign)

Maury: When it comes to day year old, Flash Jr....Flash....you are....."

Murdock: "JESUS CHRIST!!! You can't keep solving all your problems by blowing them up, Ghrimm!"

West: "Yeah, Ghrimm, what's wrong with you?"

Ghrimm: "But, I didn't do anything."

West: "What are you looking at me for?"

Murdock: "I know I didn't do it."

Ghrimm: "I was sitting next to Murdock the entire time in the audience."

Murdock: "West....you didn't?"

West: "I wasn't ready to be a father."

The E-M-P'll say P.E.A.C.E

"M.T. Bag In:Murder Rap Pt.2" (Guest Starring Jay-Z and various Roc-A-Fella Records Artists)

The last time we saw our heroes, they saved Jay-Z from some cops who were going to arrest him for the murder of rappers, Tupac Shakur, The Notorious B.I.G, and Big L. Jay-Z invited our heroes onto his submarine, where he revealed that he was indeed the great rapper slayer. Shortly after the dark came to the light, he gassed our heroes and this is where this tale starts...

West: "Murdock, wake yo ass up!"

Murdock: "Mmm,hmm....mommy, I don't wanna go to school."

Ghrimm: "Wake yo punk ass up, this ain't no elementary school, BITCH!!!"

Murdock: "Hmm...where are we?"

West: "Well, by the looks of the dank setting and that skeleton over there, I'd say we're in a dungeon."

Murdock: "Oh my God! Is-is-is he dead?"

Ghrimm: "I don't even think that deserves an answer."

Murdock: "Yuck, it smells like has beens and rejects down here."

Murdock: "Holy shit, it's Lima Beans Seagal, 3Way, Texas Bleach and Kane East....Wait, no, it's just Beanie Sigel, Freeway, Memphis Bleek and Kanye West...."

Ghrimm: "What brings you guys down here?"

Yeezy: "Big Brother, locked us down here when he felt we were getting too out of line."

Memphis: "I've been down here since 1996."

Freeway: "Gimme a beat."

Beanie: (Shaking on the floor)"NaS said, Jigga was wack compared to me, but it's still three hots and a cot. I feel like a caged animal."

West: "Hmm...alrighty then, we need to get out of here. Let's stack up and have Ghrimm break those bars up there."

Ghrimm: "Almost got it...(Opens bars)...got it!"

West: "Good, a bopping head is a side effect of venomous lyrics and I'm out."

Murdock: "Shall we skate?"

Ghrimm: "YES!!!"

Yeezy: "Are y'all coming back?"

Murdock:"Oh yeah, don't worry. Y'all just stay down there and hold it down, make sure that skeleton doesn't come back to life."

Beanie: "Somethin' ain't right, my spider sense is tingling (blip-blip,blip-blip,blip-blip)"

Memphis: "They ain't coming back, are they?"

Freeway:"......Gimme a beat."

Ghrimm: "Now, where do you guys think Jay-Z is?"

West: "I dunno, it's his sub, he could be anywhere. Look, it's Beyonce, she could be of some help."

Murdock: "Good idea, stand back.(To Beyonce) What are you wearing?"

West: "Move. Show me to your quarters,I wanna make change."

Ghrimm: "Haha, it's clobberin' time."

Murdock: "So that's when I said, 'No, a box has six sides, not four.' "

Ghrimm: "What the fuck are you talking about?"

West: "C'mon, I know where Hov is."

Murdock: "Damn, dog, that was fast, I guess I know why they call you The Flash."

Ghrimm: "We don't have time for this."

West: "He's right, I'll deal with you later."

Murdock: "End of the line, Jigga, we got you surrounded!"

Hov: "Oh, my....It seems you do, but you have neglected to think about the overly cliched villain twist."

West: "Nah, Beyonce told me, you got the whole submarine rigged with explosives that are set to go off in about ten minutes. You also got two escape pods."

Ghrimm: (Looks at his imaginary wristwatch) "That was nine minutes ago."

Murdock: "Oh shit, America's Next Top Model is about to come on. Let's just let him and Beyonce dip in one pod and we'll take the other, and call it a day, I'm tired."

Ghrimm: " It would be smart to dip before we blow sky high."

BOOM!!!!

West: "I still think we should've defeated Jay-Z so we wouldn't have to deal with him later."

Murdock: "Shsssh!!! Tyra Banks is on TV!"

Ghrimm: " I feel like we forgot something..."

Murdock: "And I feel like you should fill your face with some quiet!!!"

West: "Let's beat his ass!"

Ghrimm: "I get my clobberin' time after all."





You happy, Boogie?

The E-M-P'll say P.E.A.C.E

"M.T. Bag In:Murder Rap" (Guest Starring Jay-Z)

West: "Why did you drag us all the way to France again, Murdock?"


Murdock: "I could hear Jay-Z was in trouble, this may be our only chance to get signed if we save him..."


Ghrimm: "All the way from the United States?"

Murdock:"Shsssh! The sound is getting stronger. Tell me what you guys see over there."


West: "Well, I'll be damned...."

Cop #1: "Let me just Rodney King him right now"


Cop#2: "No, we can't do that anymore."


Hov: "May I ask what the problem is, officers?"


Cop#3: "Shut up,boy. Don't speak unless spoken to.''


Hov: "I'm sensin' a little hostility here, gentlemen."


Cop#3: "Who taught you big words like that? 'Here'."

Ghrimm: "It's clobberin' time!"


Cop#1,2, and 3: "What the hell is that?"


Hov: "It's the Roc!"

(After clobberin' time)

Hov: "Thank you guys for joining me in my submarine, and thanks again for saving me from 5-0, once again."

Ghrimm: "Anytime, Jay."

Murdock: "Nice sub, dude, I used to have one just like this, then I woke up."

West: "If you don't mind me asking, why were the cops bothering you earlier?"

Hov: "I do mind you asking"

(Awkward silence)

Murdock: "Did you ever listen to the demo I sent you in the mail?"

Hov: "Yeah, that's kinda why I invited you all here"(Walks to a closet)

Hov: "Behold, my best rapper collection."

Ghrimm:"Collection?"

West:"I told you he killed all of 'em, Murdock, you owe me five bucks!"

Murdock:"They ain't dead, Tupac is still rappin'."

Hov:"Yeah, he does that from time to time, he keeps putting out albums....but,don't let me get beside myself. You dudes are the modern day 2Pac, Biggie and Big L. You must be stopped!"

Will Murdock, West and Ghrimm make it out of Jay-Z's Submarine of Death? Tune in next week for another issue of M.T. Bag and Friends.

Biggie Smalls: "It was all a dream!"

The E-M-P'll say P.E.A.C.E!!!

"Ben Ghrimm In: "Bargain Hunt"

Ghrimm: "Ooh, 2 for 1 on Rock Candy AND Geo Bits, what a STEAL!!!"

Cashier:"Your total is....$32.56"

Ghrimm:"Excuse me? Look here....(reads name tag)...Otis....There was a 2 for 1 deal on that Rock Candy and those Geo Bits."

Otis:"Oh, that was last week's sale. Now, we're having a sale on Jay-Z's new candy, Roc Candy and Igneous Bites."


Ghrimm: "What???"

Murdock: "Man, what's taking that summabitch so long? I got places to see and people to do."

West: "Shut yo ass up, Matthew, let's race!"

Murdock: "How many times I gotta tell yo ass? I just bought this fresh ass Lambo and I ain't tryna scratch the paint....I don't understand why you didn't go in there, you're the fast one aren't you?"

West: "I could've, but I'm tryna duck some hoes in there. Priscella caught me in the bathroom with Gennivieve,again."

Murdock:(Gets weak for a long ass time)

Ghrimm: "YAAAAARGGHGHH!!!! It's clobberin' time!!!!"

Otis: "What?"

Murdock: "What happened in th-"

Ghrimm:"- Nothing. Shall we go?"

West: "Yeah"

Murdock: "Yeah"











A bored presentation, thank you, you've been ok.

The E-M-P'll say P.E.A.C.E.

"I'm Tryna Screw Rosario Dawson Before My Time Is Through"

A quote brought to you by Negashi Armada of Atlanta hip-hop group, Supreeme.

Every man on this planet has that dream woman in Hollywood he'd like to either one night or wife up. M.T. Bag is no different. Here's the skinny:

ROSARIO DAWSON (Eagle Eye, Grindhouse:Death Proof, Clerks II) The 29 year old of New York, New York, beat out Kyla Pratt,who is now runner up, in Empathy's book. She's an excellent actress, the frame is ill, and she's the only reason I sat through Men In Black II. She's set to play Artemis in the upcoming Wonder Woman movie, I never heard of all that, but I'm very much interested. Apparently, she's married, but, uh, I don't care.

MILENA MARKOVNA......I mean, MILA KUNIS. Coming in at age 25, this Ukranian is best known for playing Jackie Burkhart on That '70's Show, voicing Meg on Family Guy and her role in Forgetting Sarach Marshall. This one is Ace Boogie's pick, his runner up however was Rosario Dawson. Most recently Mila portrayed Mona Sax in the movie Max Payne. She'll be in two upcoming films, The Book of Eli and Extract, whatever those are. As it seems, Mila has been dating Macaulay Culkin since 2002. I mean, I can't really believe that one, so I'm just gonna laugh this one off.









TARAJI PENDA HENSON(Baby Boy, Hustle and Flow, Smokin' Aces, Four Brothers) This 38 year old from D.C. is Sub-Lym In All's first pick, his runner-up, in my opinion should be switched around is, Salma Hayek. Most recently, she can be seen in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. She'll be in an upcoming film, Not Easily Broken, I dunno. Most likely she's married, but once again, we don't care.
















The E-M-P'll say P.E.A.C.E


P.S- Listen to the third verse to catch the infamous Rosario Dawson line.......

Most Thizzle Boys And Girls

I mean, we're the best emcees anywhere, anytime, any place, any are dee...Yet, there's still some suckas that don't know who we is...

Well, let me tell you what we're not. We're not Earth,Wind and Fire. We're not Diana Ross and The Supremes. We're not De La Soul. We're not Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. We're not The New Kids On The Block. We're not Nirvana. We're not even rappers for real....though, what we do in today's context is considered rap. Compared to other independent and underground rappers, we're simply better than them. Now, I don't say that because I'm me and I'm allowed to vote for myself. I say it because, lyrically and sonically, we are the more dominant species.

I've been doing this shit since I was 11 years old. A decade and a year into my life and I found my niche. A lot of cats go through college before they find their calling in life.

Boogie and Sub, I fucks with them because, when it comes to this music, we put it down. I noticed this on Saturday when we cranked out five solid tracks in like 6 hours. We have a hard time getting into the same mindstate to start it, but once the ball rolls, ain't no stoppin' us.

Back to the program, M.T. Bag is not just a (W)rap group....(Writings Representing A Purpose), we're an international/intergalactic movement, thus the Boys And Girls part. Thizzle is a word my uncle's cousin coined to describe anything about himself, Thorough. His raps, his video game skills, et cetera. I tend to keep it all in the family. And, once again, not being biased once more, my other uncle and his cousin are two are two of the best rappers alive.

So what does M.T. Bag represent? Easy, we chose superhero alter egos that closely represented us.

I myself chose Matt Murdock, The Daredevil because we have the same first name. As I learned more about him I could see some connections. He's the most human of all the superheroes. He has strong hearing, like me(when I so choose), ill taste buds, like me, and he can see through people, like me.

Boogie is Wally West, The Flash. Wally West works as a doctor, Boogie can be smart when he chooses to. He used to run varsity track matching up the speed, and he's a prankster just like Flash, that shit annoys me.

Sub-Lym In All was kinda assigned to be Ben Grimm,The Thing, but as time in the role progressed, he grew into it. Sub used to play football so much like The Thing, he's got the strength and endurance. The great lung capacity ability is handy for one take recording sessions, ha ha.

So...........why exactly would we be grown men running around, calling ourselves comic book characters? That's part of the mission we're on. M.T. Bag goes from venue to venue with one thought on our mind, saving the universe from wack music one show at a time. We make our kind of music because it's different from anything ever heard. Sure it's beats and rhymes, but choruses aren't just choruses, they're inspirational sayings.

Everybody and their grandma raps nowadays,but there's a whole lot of hot garbage out here in these streets. If it wasn't against my morals and ethics, I 'd post a long list of some local rappers' Myspace pages, but that would just give them cats more page views helping their images,huh?

If you would like to see M.T. Bag in concert(er, Open Mic) and you're gonna be in the Cincinnati Clifton area, bring yourself to Baba Budan's Cafe, Thursday, December 18, 2008. We'll be there around 10PM or so and it usually goes 'til midnight or later with other acts. The date is not oh so official yet, but if you're a Myspace or Facebook fan of us, expect to recieve an event invitation or upcoming show, yo.

Oh yeah, the Original Cin Mixtape is on its way. "Pants On(Zip)" is having surgery and we got so many more street bangers for your ear,bwoi!!!!!!.................Excuse me..............

The E-M-P'll say P.E.A.C.E

Our Mission

M.T. Bag's mission is to make the best music that we can while simultaneously resurrecting Hip-Hop.

The God Emcee, Rakim, himself said, the only way Hip-Hop can return to its Golden Age is, through a big movement. Most Thizzle Boys And Girls is pointing the spot light on the meek who shall inherit the Earth. That's why we come from our own label, Third World Records. Along with encouraging others to pursue their dreams, our main mission in making this music is simple. HEAR NO WACK, SEE NO WACK, SPEAK NO WACK, and DO NO WACK.

It is our job to make the most thorough music we can. This movement grows larger and larger everyday. Either you're with us, or you're agianst us.