A Simple Reflection

As I look back on this life I have been able to lead thus far, it makes me ponder, "where do I go next?" I'm in a quasi-successful band with an equally successful blog (shouts to our followers) and I am able to go to college. Everything seems perfect. I wish. It's almost been six months and I still feel that our house is empty like He is missing and whenever I come home I, for a brief moment anticipate his body to walk through to greet me and ask how was my day. It hurts and I cry as I type this but it is healthy I know because in writing this I can give myself closure. I miss my father and it hit me when He visited my mother in a dream and told her that the only thing missing was her. I wonder why he never visited me or why can't I feel his presence, it was the same with my grandmother. I have done alot of bad things in my life and hurt alot of people and I don't know can be forgiven when I approach St. Peter but I look on ways to atone everyday but I also pray that maybe He can visit me in my dreams. 6 months...and it still feels like my body is in limbo ready to be woken up from this horrible dream. My mother hasn't gotten a decent night of sleep in that time period and I'm barely around because being in that house doesn't feel right so I search for meaning, mostly in women and relationships, I never broke down because I always had my parents to flush even the most shitty days but now I have to deal with my own thoughts and I feel sometimes that I am losing grip on reality and days get longer and more monotonous and I wouldnt be bad but there is no one beside me. So I decided with this, I will no longer post about these type of things. It is depressing and life must be lead how I see fit now, within the lessons that my Father, Jerome (he had no middle name MZA too) Belcher left me....

I am Sheldon Rashaun Belcher. I am 19 years of age and I aspire to become a great musician and to that end I will do it by any means. I loved only three girls in my life, one broke my heart, one left, and I never got a chance to show that affection towards the other. I'm falling but I will be okay. I realized that I will always be watched by the two figures I only feared with love...God and my Father.

Just because we act mature, every now and then...I have to act my age : ) I just might be okay.

~9/16/1949~