Dear, Penthouse. Yours Truly, Matthew Neruda

This is most likely gonna be my last booty quest entry, since I'm steadily running out of them, and the other ones out there are a tad too painful to put out publicly, dig it?



The year was 1998, keep in mind I was 8 years old, the same year I was being baby sat by Mrs.Ward, I occasionally would go over to my mom's friend's house to be babysat. We'll change the nizzames since mentioning real ones in this cizzase is a little insizzane.

The Cast:

Curly--The babysitter

Belinda--The babysitter's sister

Amanda--The babysitter's 14 year old daughter, she reminds me of Amanda Bynes

Lark--Amanda's 12 year old cousin, she looked like an offbeat Lark Voorhies

****

ACT I

So, summertime brings out the best in women, you know that. The heat has them in, well, heat. It's great to be the center of attention in a time like that. So the kid is a kid, with kid thoughts and kid habits. Amanda, Lark and I would travel around Mt.Auburn(if you're not Cincinnati savvy,this is a small part of town in a place called Clifton, I guess). We bought these frozen cups of juice on the daily, we'd play tag and hide and go seek, kid shit. I had a small advantage over most boys my age, for I had been watching porn since I was 5, I know, crazy, right? So I knew some things I probably shouldn't have known, nevertheless, I knew them.

So I brought my Power Rangers(I think they were the Zeo ones, the series after Mighty Morphin) toys through and we played. Amanda took the Yellow one, Lark with the Pink. We played and this was the event that changed the things we did together FOREVER. The Yellow Ranger kicked my Green Ranger in the crotch, so I had to address this injustice. I'm like, "How you gon' kick my dude in his penis?" Amanda goes, "What's a penis?" I'm in quite the predicament, what do I do? You know kids are the realest n!99@$ on the planet because they have no decency. So, what do I do? I unzipped with quickness and and I was on display. Keep in mind, I'm 8 fuckin' years old, so things weren't quite what they are today. This triggered the most remembered sequence of my life!

Amanda then proceeds to take her shirt off(brr!), shirt off(brr!), shirt off(brr!), shirt off(whew!), shirt off(whew!), shirt off(whew!). I'm staring at the hugest rack I've ever seen in my life, at the time. She told me to touch them. I can't say no to such a pretty face. I did my thing. Then she addresses the undressing of the lower half. I'm not gonna lie, it looked like a chimpanzee lived betwunxt her legs. Nevertheless, Lark followed suit and was embarassed. Amanda mentioned how whenever she watches a suggestive film, she feels the need to do it, and to her knowledge there was one in the house. It became my main objective to find that tape!

Never found it. So she just played with 'me'. It was fun because it became an every night thing, I anticipated the times I 'd go back to Curly's house. Titties, titties, titties! And all the booty I could grab!

****

ACT II

So.....Part 2 is on location. Sometimes the girls would be at Curly's house, sometimes they'd be at Belinda's house(R.I.P). Times here were uber FUN! They got ultra freaky on tour for some reason. I made them kiss one time(man, does this make me a womanizer?). I wasn't hittin' the skins but we did this thing they liked to call "The Sandwich". They were the "bread". Some of the best times of my life there. Playing Golden Eye on N64 and hot heauxs at night. So, this is where the story comes to a screeching halt! I moved from A-1 to Clifton, I hit 4th grade, my mom was convinced I no longer needed to be babysat. NOOOOOOO!!!! I finally felt I was ready to "be a man". Just my luck!

I hadn't seen or heard from Amanda or Lark for about six years. Amanda got pregnant at around 15 or 16 and ballooned up! Lark too had become pregnant, her baby's father left, and she ran away with the baby. Mmm........brrrrrr...........Sometimes I wonder if this is somehow my fault.............Then sometimes I don't...............no trouble on my hands..............but that sounds kida selfish in me mind...........I loved them, and if you love somebody, set them free.

Fly away, little birdies!

P.E.A.C.E

At times, I feel like I'm some kinda plague on the lives of the ladies, like it's my fault they end up where they end up. Shit, man, it probably is. And I guess this is why I'm so reluctant nowadays.


"She don't want him, she wants something that she can feel. She got style and I think we might make a child. Damn, my life is wild. Damn, my life is wild. Damn, my life is wild."