Do Or Diocletian

This is a vent with the intent to clarify what I meant.

When you were a child and they asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, what did you say?

I heard it all. Pet doctor, police cop, fireman, mailman, wrestler, et cetera. What was my answer? Well, I would throw out an answer so those bastards would get off my back. I said everything from, judge, lawyer, writer, to artist, nurse, and even a psychiatrist.

I never wanted to do anything. Ever. Maybe I could design video games, maybe I could write a bestseller. All I know is, if it doesn't come easy, I want no parts of it. It's all on me, only I can change that, but after thinking that way for 18 years, it's kinda hard to alternate my methods.

I think about me sometimes and I worry. Nothing makes me happy and if it does, it's a temporary happiness. I don't love anything, I guess. Never really have, probably never will. There's more respect in my heart for people than love, for I don't really know what it is.

I've come to realize my role in life, I am 'the catalyst'. Without me to add my two cents or to get shit started, nothing happens.

When it comes to this School of Life, I feel like dropping out sometimes. Not in the sense of taking the Hara Kiri way out, but just not giving a fuck anymore. When I was coming up, there was structure and my only goal was to get out of school. Becoming grown and shit, there's no more structure, and there's really NOTHING I want to do. I do the music because it's fun, I built a band of the best of the best, but the sandbox mentality is really coming down upon me.

I have no goals. I have no interest. I feel like I have no soul. I don't dream about anything. I have no motivation. I close my eyes and I see nothingness, infinite nothingness.

I wasted many years of my life, and for what? Music. I used to get the admiration and that's what made me go. When the admiration stopped, I did too. I quit writing everyday, I lost the spark that made me do it. When the original dream team split, I felt my want to do it split with it. I stood up late at night writing my mind, what I thought. Now I don't think, I just BE. I wasted an opportunity at the best school in Ohio because I devoted my time to beats and rhymes.

Yeah, I fucked up, but I'm still here, and that's what counts. I don't know what my exact purpose is in life, but I think I'm on the right path right now. I didn't commit to this effort for no reason. I put myself here, now I gotta make the best of it.

It's do or don't, DOY!, in this muthafucka.

I feel a tad INSPI(RED), so I think I might go write.

I'm back, and my goal, I'ma shine on MOACD, just as well as I did on M.I.C, and that's a guarantee, n!99@. I repsect y'all's hustle, Grimm, Boogie, and Skeem, but now it's my tizzime, and I'm gone rhyzzime.

Pax Cincinnatus

P.S.-That's my gambit, you may wanna throw the towel in...