M.T. Bag,Heaux

I was watching my boy, Patton Oswalt, tear up the stage on Comedy Central last night. NOBODY else that went before him was funny. I think it was Werewolves & Lollipops. He said something about this movie made in 1977 that wasn't released until 2003. It's called, "Deathbed: The Bed That Eats". Hmmm. Sounds cornier than cornish hens to me. It must suck because the writer or director forgot he made the film. I read about it, it sounds like a riot. Anyway. I composed a nice list of films that weren't meant to be portrayed as comedies, but were funny anyway.

I guess you'd classify this flick as Blaxploitation or Action. You call it a tomato, I call it a tomoto. This shit is a comedy. From the intro where the main character vomits all over the place, to the badly edited fight scene, this movie will thoroughly entertain you. If it wasn't for the soundtrack and cool car he drives, this movie would probably be a dud. There's this part where, I think his name is Prince, is trying to talk to somebody during a dice game, another dude calls him white or something, Prince blinks his eyelashes real fast like a girl and punches him. You'd have to see it.

"I swear to God, don't get it fucked up". This is a good ass movie, but it doesn't come across as a Drama to me. Besides laughing at the clothes Prince rocks so well, I also like to laugh at his facial expressions. There's also this part that most would think I'm wrong for laughing at. When Apollonia gives Prince that guitar and she reveals to him she's gonna join that one dude's band, he slaps her and then follows with my favorite quote of last year, "He doesn't care about you." Too classic.

Taking place directly after the first one, on the same night, this one is full of laughs. Donald Pleasence's character shot Michael Myers about 7 or 8 times with a six shooter Revolver and that's how part one ended. He walks out in the second one and discovers the spot where Micahel landed, no longer contained his body. HE'S STILL ALIVE! When the cops come, Donald pleas to the officers over and over again, "I shot him six times!" The way he says it is golden. The rest of the movie takes place in a hospital, where there are very few doctors and candy stripers on duty. Jamie Lee Curtis is THE ONLY patient. Michael finds his way to the hospital, here's the funny: He walks at about 0.1 miles per hour and manages to shatter the glass of the entrance. If you see the end, it ends in an explosion. In number 3, you're like, "...but he got blowed up!"

The documentary on Ed Gein was much scarier than ANY movie from this franchise ever was. When you have five teenagers, one in a wheelchair, you got Comedy written all over you. I'm sorry, anybody that saw this in '74 and was thoroughly frightened, my good audience, was an idiot. The entire movie looks like it was filmed on bootleg. "Tender. Supple."

I've never seen the film in its entirety, but from the excerpts I saw on VH1, this looks like quite the misconception. It makes you wanna roll one to it. People were TOO sober back then. I give this one: two blunts up!

And that concludes my list of movies you can laugh at, though they weren't meant to be funny. Runner up was Night Of The Living Dead. The shit's dumb, especially at the end where the black guy dies and he wasn't a zombie.

Protons Electrons Always Cause Explosions

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In other words, P.E.A.C.E