The Model, The Vixen, The Hoe

(Destiny Monique Arredondo)

Alright, alright. What are the elements of a good Rap video? Show of hands. "Hey, YOU THERE!"

"MONEY, CASH, HOES."

Excellent. Kinda redundant, but these are the elements of a watchable music video.

Money- represents what you have. When you see a rapper hold up a bottle of Cristal or Hpnotiq, that represents the fact he has money to spend. When you see them in outfits by your favorite clothing line that you would have to spend three month's rent on, he has money. When you see them in the SL5 or the Maybach, he has money to either own or rent that whip.

Cash- the actually depiction of money, whether it be real or fake, the "Cash Rules Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M, get the money, dolla, dolla bill, y'all!"

Hoes- The most important element of the video, though you cannot have one element without the other. The most famous video vixens make their living off of milking the pockets of these rappers. Buffy The Body, Esther Baxter and Vida Guerra to name a few.

To be featured in a video isn't hard, making your living off of it is the hard part. For instance, the most famous booty, booty video, "Tip Drill", all they had to do was go down South and say, "Aye, wanna be in a Nelly video?" Hoes go wild! You'll never see any of these women ever again in a video...



This video is the reason I'm an insomniac, this and Luda's "P-Poppin' ". Haaaaaa!

Anyway, you can see a billion pretty faces in a video, but would you ever take them seriously in respectable job. I read XXL a lot, if I'm pressed for time, I usually skip straight to the Eye Candy section, no, not for that reason necessarily...But I like to read what these women are about. They have surprisingly high standards for women who get treated like objects in the videos. Some plan on being Senators and actresses, others are TOO REAL for me, and just wanna party. I respect it either way.

But most get it twisted, like, ALL the girls in those videos sleep with those rappers. On contrar', monfrair , there's a difference between these "scandalous freaks".

The Model- The woman who will take her clothes off, but lock away the goods because, after all, she is a businesswoman. You can catch her in a movie or two. Like: Megan Good.

The Vixen- The woman who you'll only find in videos. Usher video today, Brutha video tomorrow, maybe a few magazines and featured as an extra in a movie. Like: Ashalee Albar.

The Hoe- The one who forgets about payment and sleeps with anybody near a set of a music video. Like: Karrine Steffans.

Either way, they got a hustle going on. You gotta respect it. They make a lot more money than strippers and prostitutes.

But like I said, being a video girl ain't easy, you gotta go through a few prerequisites.

(Leila Arcieri)

Keep in mind, this woman is not a video girl, she's an actress and a model, either way, the same elements apply.

The stats of a good model:

Name: You have to either have a really catchy name or a name that is hard to pronounce. Catchy: Tyra Banks, it rolls off the tongue. Hard to pronounce: How do you say chick's name in the picture?

Descent: You gotta look like you're from somewhere if you're from the United States. Puerto Rican and some kind of Oriental mix is pretty popular today. If you're not from the U.S, your English better suck, and your accent has to be elegant. If you have a deeper voice than the rapper whose video you're in, odds are, "you're ridin' with them".

Body: You GOTTA HAVE impossible measurements. You gotta be so busty, you're upper body leans forward by gravity, but you can't let that happen. Your waist has to be uber slim and the we all know what the booty's supposed to look like.

Hobbies: You gotta be able to hang with the boys, this doesn't mean, drinking and smoking 'em under the table, but do that Ms. Independent shit they go on so much about.

Attitude: A strong mind, that's always the best kind. You can't establish a reputation of getting dicked on your paychecks.

Other: You gotta be the lead girl, the one that the viewer is forced to look at. For Buffy The Body and Ki Toy Johnson, this is easy.


Ya mean?

All I really gotta say is, people should stop criticizing these women for doing what they do. They gotta pay the bills somehow, and whenever I'm in doubt, I think..."What Would Jeezy Do?" and then I think about the Player's Club, "You gotta use what you got, to get what you want." It's a valid statement, whether what you got is your mind ,or your body, use that shit.

This is The Mphamous....or, Emphasis....or, Mplosion.....or, Em-Urgency......or, Metamorphosis.....or, El Emenohpee signing off...

The E-M-P'll Say P.E.A.C.E