B**** I'm Me! (So who are YOU?!)

Last night i damn near lost my mind. My father passed away late this past November, work was getting to me, my love life was as cold as this winter so far, and on top of it all I got in an argument with my mother. Since going to UC i have been through, heard, and seen things as far as love that can relate to life.....I myslef have tried to go after THE baddest chick at UC only to realize that she has 0.0000000000000000003 intrest in me (I wish I could exaggerate like that). Even after reading her a poem that was good she only wanted friendship, hahah now she with frat guys and a acquaintance from work...i mean she has to know that they just want her "ass"ets but now I can say it's all 'ish but back then I couldn't take it even after putting her in the "jumpoff" section of frontal lobe. You see whenever I meet a beautiful woman I have to deal with drama, lots. Like this one girl I am talking to. Her ex (on and off'ish) left her outside for FOUR FUCKING HOURS once and even though she left him, well, cue your imagination. I understand where she comes from but check it, if women have "intuition" about everything else, please use that to recognize a genuine dude, such as I. I used to play women but now I repented to find true love and it's like wow, it was mad easier when sex was all I wanted........damn AshleeB. wake up. Ask, i'm THAT dude. As if that wasn't enough guess what? (what?) my father passed away and it gets harder to surpress these feelings of hurt and loneliness, i miss him and I jsut want him back. It hasn't donned on me that he's gone and it's breaking me up and my mind can't handle it all. Plus, no matter how hard I work or how nice I am people fuck with me. Go ahead and mock me but you don't realize that my whole mind is ready to collapse and shut down. They say you get a higher understanding of the world before you die and I see shit for what it is... does that mean I will die soon?...I had a dream that in Feb. 2009 the world will end, does this mean my world? I don't know man.....someone told me that I should go insane to try it out, someone else said that it pushes people away,is the latter bad if I want to get closer to one person. I have scars on my wrists and I wonder why does my body heal so fast. Why do people fuck with me to the point I am paranoid when all I wanted were friends...why do I get wierd looks when I say something, I hear whispers and people say "that's just Sheldon" no......it's not.....you don't know a goddamn thing about me....only four people in this world do, five but he left with his knowledge before I could say goodbye.....I can't even remember if I told my Dad I loved him before that night, now I wake up and see he passed away...........................but no, I am me, Sheldon Rashaun Belcher and it hurts